Rushing to Relax
A reflection on rest + seven types to try on for size.
yet I still don’t feel rested. The other morning, as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, I noticed my toothbrush moving like the wings of a hummingbird. ‘Why am I brushing my teeth so aggressively?’, I thought to myself—what’s the rush? I wasn’t even late for anything, just speeding through my weekday morning in preparation for the next task. The next meeting, the next meal, the next book in my reading pile. It made me think of a question I overhead while working the front desk at a trendy yoga studio in Vancouver several years back.
Thursday nights at the studio were especially busy—mostly because a very popular male teacher, with sun kissed surfer hair and a gentle demeanour, taught his weekly power flow.
As fifty women in matching Lululemon sets scattered across the expansive space—frantically trying to find a spot for their mats, panicking to pay for parking on their phones (which were supposed to be left in the dressing rooms), and ruminating over the endless lists of things they needed to do as soon as class ended—the teacher offered a question to his students as he shut the door to signal class was about to begin.
“When we’re constantly rushing to relax, do we ever really find rest?”
I felt like I understood the concept back then. But lately, I have felt this notion on a much deeper level. Carving out an hour to do yoga is great—but when we’re still speeding through traffic, inhaling our meals, and checking our phones every chance we get, how beneficial is that hour of “relaxation”?
What would it take to let these mindfulness practices spill out of their tightly scheduled timeframes and seep into the overall way we live our lives?
Starting with a little reframing might help to course correct this hustling-to-unwind pattern. When we meet a goal, how long are we really stopping to acknowledge the milestone? Are we even checking in with ourselves, or just instantly setting the bar higher? I see this a lot at work, and especially online. It even shows up in places as simple as my daily to-do list. If I finish what I set out to do for the day, I’ll sneak on a few extra items just to really prove my worth.
Oh, the allure of efficiency—it gets me every time!
Prioritizing work and personal pursuits have always taken a front seat in my life. It’s actually a quality I’ve felt proud of. Yet, it’s also something that seems to be getting in the way of my wellbeing. Like I’m stuck on the freeway, constantly missing the offramps to chill town, instead of enjoying the long winding scenic route.
And yet I ask myself: what is life if not the long game?
I really do believe that living a slower life can coexist with working hard, achieving goals, and having success. I just haven’t figured out how to finely fuse these concepts into our modern ways of living...yet.
Maybe on some level, we’re all trying to figure this out. Or maybe you’re someone who already has (please share). I try telling myself that if I could just meet the requirements of my responsibilities without immediately striving for more, then maybe things would start to shift. But the reality is, there’s always more. There will always be another task, another item, and another to-do list to complete. At the end of the day, what marks enough? What would it take to lay my head on my pillow knowing I did enough—effortlessly letting it all go and accepting a good night’s sleep.
I’ll be sitting and marinating with this question for a while. I really do want to figure out my limits and find balance. Allowing the practices of rest to roam freely throughout my days, rather than being forced into predetermined time slots.
Something I’ve found helpful lately is recognizing the seven different types of rest1. I once thought rest meant laying on the couch and ‘wasting time’, but I’ve since learned that rest doesn’t always have to be passive. And it’s so much more valuable than we give it credit for.
Here are a few creative ways to incorporate rest into your life:
Physical Rest - Good quality sleep, napping, and laying down. But also: massage, stretching, yin yoga, walking in nature2.
Mental Rest - Taking micro-breaks throughout the work day, meditation, letting your mind wander without focusing on a task, expansive views.
Social Rest - Being around people without having to actively care for them. If not possible at home (kids, etc.) this could also be achieved by scheduling an appointment with a practitioner who is nurturing (acupuncture, etc.) or hanging out with a friend who doesn’t dump drama on you.
Spiritual Rest - Finding work (doesn’t have to be your job) that has meaning to you. This could be a hobby, a volunteer project, a faith, or simply a community that you contribute to because you believe in its value.
Sensory Rest - Time away from devices. Dim the lights at night, go for a walk in nature, turn off the notifications on your phone. Unplug from the things that require your attention.
Emotional Rest3 - Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions in a safe space. Journalling, having quiet time to reflect, connecting with a loved one, or even talking with a counsellor or therapist.
Creative Rest - Appreciating beauty in all forms (nature, art, music, cooking, etc.). Trying something new without judgement, experiencing the creations of others, or reading a great book.
The google search—if you’re interested in the topic.
Walking in nature could probably solve all seven types of rest to be honest.
When I was looking these up, I thought “emotional rest” would be taking time away from emotional things. I also thought social rest would be taking time away from people. But they are the exact opposite! Damn, I’ve been resting so wrong over here.
I love this post as it’s so important to assess this.
Rest is something I book in like an appointment because I’ve learned from experience what I need. At 2.30pm every day, I go to bed. Pull up my duvet. Put in my earplugs and put on an eye mask. I feel like a wired electrical device that’s going to fuse if I don’t switch myself off in this way.
I am healing from complex trauma and grief and I have to prioritise this so I can function, feel ok and offer my children trauma informed parenting.
I use the spoon theory- measures of energy- and I know how many spoons I need for each task which helps me to pace them well.
Running, walking and meditation are essential too but I categorise those as healing/ self care tools and not resting tools but I like your suggestion to consider these as different types of rest. Overall my aim is slow living. But if I analyse this more carefully I’m probably doing as many activities as before but I’m now better at prioritising the ones that nurture me rather than deplete me.
It’s also the small things like doing a wee when I need one rather than rushing to cook the dinner with a full bladder as I fear I’ll somehow run out of time if I don’t 😅
I’ve noticed this about myself a LOT recently, during a long stretch of living alone. There’s no one and nothing to be rushing to, but I’m still rushing, I think because I conflate a sense of urgency with a sense of purpose. Forcing myself to literally slow down (my pace) and relax (my shoulders away from my ears) has helped me to reinstate a moment of relaxation during my mundane routines.